Feature
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Moments
from WSC 2006 |
There are times in our lives we will always remember—childhood and
school memories, first jobs, the birth of a child or grandchild, an
amazing performance. Do you remember when you first “got” the NA
message, when it was finally clear to you that you had real hope for
recovery? And what about other experiences later in recovery when
the clouds seemed to part and everything seemed to come together
like a bright ray of sunshine in our lives? These are what we call
our “ah-ha” moments. We posed these questions to WSC 2006
participants and gathered their responses to share with you here.
No guarantees
My youngest daughter died after a fire in our home when I had two
and one-half years clean. From that experience, I learned what it
really means when we say, “You don’t ever have to use again, no
matter what.” I learned that staying clean is not a guarantee that
bad stuff doesn’t happen, but that the principles in the steps teach
us how to live life on life’s terms and give us the courage, the
strength, and the maturity to face anything and stay clean. We are
able to live lives of joy and purpose, despite what our experiences
are.
Debbie E, Missouri, USA
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Shovel or rope
As I was sitting in a psychiatric ward after another
attempted suicide, a staff member in recovery asked me if I
really wanted to die or if I was willing to take a chance on
a new way to live. She told me to envision that I was living
in a deep hole and had hit bottom again. I had two choices:
I could choose the shovel I had been using to dig my hole,
and if I chose to dig myself to a new bottom, I might as
well put the dirt on top of myself because I was just
digging my own grave. My other choice was a rope hanging
down. On the other end of it were all of you. If I chose the
rope, there would be some easy times of climbing out of my
hole, but there would also be difficult times. My fingers
might bleed, clinging to the rope with every one of you
helping to pull me through. All I needed to remember was to
not let go of the rope. It has been a little over twelve
years since I set down the shovel and grabbed that rope, and
I still hold that rope tightly today. Thank you to all of
you for being on the other end of my rope. I love you all.
Larry K, Wisconsin, USA
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Regardless of…
I attended meetings, but I didn’t identify with other members.
Instead, I compared myself to them, until one day, a friend (who was
the craziest person in town) shared in a meeting that he had been
clean for three months. In that moment I knew that if he could do
it, I could also do it. I continued attending meetings until, one
day, a gay member celebrated his first birthday, and his story was
just like mine. That day, I understood that I was part of something
real big, and that things like age, gender, race, and religion
didn’t matter. I am still here, and I am staying here. Just for
today.
Luchy G, Cartagena, Colombia
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The therapeutic value
When I heard the woman who would become my sponsor, at three
months clean, I was hearing for the first time someone talk
openly about a Higher Power. She was glowing from within,
and I wanted that. It was the first time that I let God
speak to me, through her; I hadn’t even wanted to hear that
word before. I wish to express my gratitude to her for
teaching me how to recover, and how to let a loving God open
my heart.
Lucie P, Quebec, Canada
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A
higher goal
During my first days clean, I came to understand that I had to do
some things I don’t like to do, and that the purpose was to reach a
higher goal. It didn’t matter if I liked it or not, or if I wanted
to or not; I can make an effort to stay clean one more day and, in
the process, serve my Higher Power in spite of everything.
Martin G, Montevideo, Uruguay
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In a wheelbarrow
When I was struggling with the words “faith” and “belief,”
another addict explained to me that, if she stretched a
tightrope across the Grand Canyon and told me she could push
a wheelbarrow across it, that is belief. To exercise faith,
I would have to get into the wheelbarrow and allow her to
wheel me across the canyon on that tightrope.
Letha H, Texas, USA
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Not for you, Kristine
One of the girls who used to work for me and had been in jail came
to my house to try to score. She left behind an old NA Little White
Booklet she had gotten in an H&I meeting. After she left, I read it
and kept relating to all the stuff I was reading. I wished they had
something like NA in Brisbane. Some time later, through a series of
events, I found my way to a meeting—not long after NA was started in
Brisbane. I felt relieved. My psychiatrist at the time said, “NA may
work for some people, Kristine, but not for you.” Although it took
me two constant years of relapse and recovery, I knew recovery was
possible. Something inside me knew this program would work and I
would stay clean. Today, I am nineteen and one- half years clean.
Krissy A, Queensland, Australia
Identity statement
After being in a treatment center for two and one-half months, I was
taken to an NA meeting. I had learned that I was addicted to many
substances, so I found it important to introduce myself, “Hi, I’m
Toby, and I am an addict to all substances that alter my mind.”
After about a month, a veteran member approached me at the end of a
meeting and asked me in a very loving manner why I made that
distinction. He then went on to explain that “we” are all addicts.
And that’s when I said to myself, “Ah-ha, it’s not about me; it’s
about us.”
Toby G, Malaga, Spain
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Found in translation
My “ah-ha” moment was at the opening meeting of the NA world
convention in Paris, France. I looked around the room and
noticed how many addicts were wearing headphones. Then I
noticed all the translator booths in the back of the room.
It was at that moment that the whole global aspect of this
fellowship hit me. The tears began to well up in me and I
cried during the whole meeting. It was at that moment that I
knew for the first time with certainty that I was going to
be alright.
David M, Florida, USA
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One disease
I started my recovery in another twelve-step fellowship, where I had
to alter my language to fit their program. The NA regional
convention was meeting not far from my hometown, and I decided to
join some other members on a road trip to the event. For the first
time I finally discovered a path of recovery that fit who and what I
was. The literature, the language, and the feelings that were shared
with me during that convention made me feel like I could really
belong somewhere for the first time in my life. I realized that I
suffered from addiction, not more than one disease, and that I could
share my experience, strength, and hope about what I had felt for my
entire life without having to “fit” my life to a fellowship.
Don T, Colorado, USA
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Welcome home
At one and one- half years clean, I was going through a
divorce and moved to another area. I went to a big meeting,
expecting to be welcomed, but I was not. I was hurt and
isolated, and I struggled for about a year. One day, at a
meeting, I noticed a person whom I had never seen before
ride up on a moped. He stood off by himself, and no one
approached him. I remembered when I came to that meeting for
the first time, so I introduced myself and took him around
to meet others. Four years later, I was at an anniversary
meeting, and he was the speaker. He shared that when he was
released from prison and came to his first meeting, he was
scared and unsure, but that someone welcomed him and helped
him feel at home. He glanced over at me, smiled, and winked.
I had learned that it’s not all about me.
Don L, South Carolina, USA
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Growing old in NA
A woman came to New Zealand for a visit. She hung out with us and
shared her story with us. She was older than me, which made me feel
like it was going to be okay to stay clean—and get old in NA.
Hamish A, Wellington, New Zealand
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Never alone
One of the programs of the treatment center was to go to NA.
I went to NA meetings out of obligation, but it never dawned
on me that it was something I needed. Rather, I thought I
should quickly “graduate” NA. When I finished the one-year
treatment program, I stopped going to NA meetings. I started
to accumulate more and more stress. Just when I thought I
should use again because living was getting so tough, a
fellow member who happened to have less clean time than I
did invited me to go to a meeting with him. I went just for
the sake of friendship. As I shared my story, those around
me in the meeting were nodding their heads. I could truly
feel that I didn’t have to be alone as long as I kept coming
to NA meetings. That was so comforting. At that moment I
felt it was okay for me to stay here and then a deep sense
of serenity came over me.
Sohshi K, Tochigi Prefecture, Japan
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I
had a choice
My first “ah-ha” was at my first meeting, when the chairperson said,
“Just for today, you don’t ever have to use again.” It was the first
time I ever knew that I had a choice—that getting high was an
option, not a necessity.
Jimmy Lee P, California, USA
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Dignity and strength
When I was new in recovery and worked the steps for the
first time with my sponsor, I thought I’d never understand
the steps and no one would ever want what I have. Years
passed and I worked the steps many times again. Women with
more clean time asked me to sponsor them. I thought this was
because of the lack of women with clean time in service.
After my husband was diagnosed with cancer, I cared for him
for over two years until he died. I realize today I am no
longer the messed-up girl I was when I was using. Through
recovery and my Higher Power I have become a woman of
dignity and strength—with an understanding of our steps and
a lot to offer other women in recovery.
Sandy P, Alaska, USA
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